In My Head
by Persephone of Abydos
Summary: He had long ago given up trying to fully comprehend why her. Why her, and no one else? Why, why, why—the one woman he fully knew he could never fully have? [Vignette: Jinenji]


Title: In My Head  
Originally composed: June 1, 2004  
Revamped: February 17, 2005  
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, nor do I own "Hollywood" by The Cranberries. La.

Author's Ramblings: This is my take on Jinenji, as well as my pathetic attempt at Nahui/Sage's demonsong structure. Enjoy!

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**In My Head**

He pulled his knees to his chest, curling up into himself atop the hill. Candlelight from various homes in the village of the valley below glowed softly in the timid darkness of early night. Almost immediately, his mind began comparing the scenery to her. (_I've got a picture in my head_) The night sky did absolutely no justice to the hue of her hair, nor did the dark brown of the village huts match the color of her eyes. Her scent was unlike that of any herbs or flowers—similar to some, but different enough to never merit a true comparison. (_In my head_)

He missed her. (_You've always been there most of all, all, all, all_)

He had to admit, of course, that he probably missed what she represented just as much if not more than her actual person. Before her, no one but his mother had approached him with such…non-fear. She viewed him in terms of their similarities instead of their differences, and treated him with respect because of it. Respect almost bordering on affection. He was downright addicted to that sensation. (_Liike__, liike, liike_) No one, much less a female, had ever gazed upon him with smiles in her eyes. No one had ever truly been by his side; no one had ever been calm around him. But she had, and it made all the difference. (_Liike__, liike, liike_)

He had long ago given up trying to fully comprehend why _her._ Why her, and no one else? Why, why, why—the one woman he fully knew he could never fully have? (_Run away, run away, isn't anybody there?_) Somehow, though, she seemed fully un-haveable even though she possessed an unbelievable magnetism; and the perverse thought that perhaps no one would ever have her, that he would not be alone in that regard, placated his anguished curiosity. Something about her was so…otherworldly, not ethereal yet not simply foreign either. She was not a goddess, yet she surpassed what he defined as human. He didn't know how to categorize her and it drove him crazy, yet it awed and enraptured him at the same time. (_Get away, get away, get away-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay_)

He buried his head in his knees, unable to stop from beginning to cry. His form shook as quiet sobs wracked him. (_Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh_) Whether she married someone else or simply continued to live singly, the fact remained that he would never have her. There was no one else like her in the entire world, he was sure…and the thought made him both joyous yet incredibly depressed. (_The greatest irony of all_) Joyous, for she was proof that not _all _of them were mindless and cruel; but depressed because he knew now he would never find happiness.

There would undoubtedly be days and nights when he would feel content; not all times would be like tonight. But he knew, since the moment she left, that he would never know long-lasting happiness. (_It's not so glamorous at all, all, all, all_) He wanted so desperately for her to come back, to fall in love with him as much as he had fallen in love with her…. But how could she love him? He snorted with sarcastic mirth, which ended up sounding deformed due to the nasal side effects of his crying. He lifted his head, his large, now red and puffy, eyes scanning over his body. No, surely she could never love him. (_Liike__, liike, liike_) No one would ever love this…this. He couldn't even call it a body; it was simply too disgusting. Even if she did love him, surely he would somehow soil her beauty, both in and out, and she definitely didn't deserve that. He curled up into himself again, crying silently once more, refusing to bother anyone with the sounds of his despair. (_Run away, run away, isn't anybody there?_)

Eventually, one by one, the candlelight in the village below was extinguished. (_Get away, get away, get away-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay_)

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Meta-Ramblings: 

I don't know if the inserted lyrics worked well or not. I added them because this piece just sounded empty without something extra, and this was all I could come up with. Also, the song fit, in a strange modern way; I recommend listening to it. Anyhoo, let me know whether or not it was a good idea to attempt the demonsong structure….


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